this isnt my best entry.i feel strongly that i shouldnt post this on my blog.however, my fingers cant not trying to rub this in any ones face.i just need to show how my feelings are facing the days.

so this morning,was poorly spent.i didnt realize how difficult it is to cut your skin with a razor.well i managed.five simple letters is cut into the skin of my left forearm.i know you could guess whose name i chose to stain my skin with pain n blood.

heres the story.
well, he left happened the day of my last paper of spm.i was so stoked to see him before i had to leave smile faded when he pulled the plug.he..well..we werent good for each other.i guess thats what the reason is.i took me almost 2 weeks to take it in.during that duration, all i could do is keep his song playing on my phone as i try to find sleep while tears soak my pillow.but just wake up hours later by a nightmare or a very happy dream.that solemnly happens.

there was one night, it might have been one of the most lovely dreams i had about us.unfortunately, i feel that it is one of my private and precious memmory, although it was only a dream.i shared it only to him.

i miss the long intimate and funny conversations we had.but i am useless to make him happy any longer.he says wer friends.but honestly, im not 100% sure he meant that at all.for all that i know, he doesnt care enough about me to even care if im eating anymore let alone breathing.

but i know who i am to him.a mere nobody when he needed someone for the last 21 months we became each others company.even now, when im as important as dust to him, i wont give in.i love him.i would drain my blood for him.and i litterally did love him even though he and myself have found company with other people for the times to come.he was my favourite.all i know is my heart belongs to him.maybe more that a portion,maybe less.non the less, it wont let him go in any way.